If I didn’t write about today, I couldn’t call myself a
parenting blogger, because it's been a watershed moment in my long,
illustrious 20-plus year parenting journey. Today marked the first time I was
alone with two small children for an entire day. That's right, after more than nine months of maternity
and medical leave, Sarah has returned to work, and it’s been just my boys and
me for the last 15 hours. (Ah, there’s the sound of Sarah’s car returning now.
At long last, William can nurse.)
Make no mistake—there was a lot of build-up to this day, on
many levels. There was my own anticipation (or perhaps I should say terror?) of
it, knowing that I’d suddenly be operating without a net (Sarah), and that I’d
be at the mercy of two little sets of needs. There was Sarah’s mental and
emotional preparation for being separated from her precious little William for
the first time. And there was the coaching of Jackson and Max to get them ready
for what will be expected of them.
But mostly, there was Sarah’s fear of leaving them alone
with me. You see, I have a reputation for being slightly distracted. If you’ve
ever gone to get a snack, decided on the way to finally replace the battery in
that smoke detector, realized as you were looking for a battery that the drawer
handle was loose, and then, while struggling to find a screwdriver in the
garage, started reorganizing your tools because the screwdriver was in a stupid
place, then you know what I’m talking about.
For some reason, Sarah had developed this crazy notion that
I might not be able to focus on both of my little boys at the same time. That I
might start playing with Max and forget that William was underneath that
pillow. Or that I might get caught up taking pictures of William and forget
that Max got out of preschool 45 minutes ago. Or that I might start talking
with a neighbor out front and not notice Max pushing the stroller across the
street with William in it.
Okay, so maybe she had something to worry about based on my
track record. But to be fair, my track record—at least the track record she
could refer to—was all established with her at home. In other words, it’s no
track record. Because anyone who’s spent any time parenting alone will agree,
it’s absolutely nothing like parenting knowing that your partner is in the next
room. You can’t take the same liberties. You can’t resort to the old “I thought
you were watching him.” And you certainly can’t leave the preschooler and
6-month-old alone in the kitchen and go tend to your weeding.
I tried to explain this to Sarah, telling her that when I
know I’m the only show in town, I’ll step up the plate. She would just look at
me, with her head cocked and one eyebrow raised, and give me one of those
sardonic “uh-huh”s we’ve all heard.
But guess what? I was right! I know it’s only been one day,
but I’d have to say, with all objectivity, that today I may have put on the
all-time greatest example of stellar parenting. I texted about playdates, drove
to and from said playdates, anwered work emails, made bottles, fed the baby,
changed diapers, ran errands (including picking up Diaper Genie refills for the
parents of Max’s playdate!), made more bottles, fed the baby again, got kids to
nap, changed more diapers, answered more work emails, supervised backyard play,
made more bottles AND changed more diapers, cooked dinner, bathed the
preschooler, made one last bottle, read stories, got two tired boys to sleep,
and then collapsed in a heap.
Now I know what you all are thinking now: Where can I get
that job!? No, seriously, you’re probably wondering how long I can last before
having a nervous breakdown. But just as I would say to Sarah, I’m here to tell
you I have no such concerns. Truth be known, I actually had a really good time surviving the gauntlet, and I feel confident that I can usher these kids
through literally hundreds of similar days alone over the next few years, with very few
hospitalizations, while Sarah works hard to support this family.
Yessirree, I’m one progressive man. Now what the hell did I
do with that screwdriver?
No comments:
Post a Comment